To Pay or Not to Pay...

While researching college costs for my son, I stumbled across a blog (Deadbeat Parents Who Won't Help Pay for College) that appears to criticize parents for not paying for their children’s college education. In particular, the author references an email from a father who flat out refused to pay for any part of his children’s secondary education. He has seven children and was forcing them to take the route of the “independent student” so they would be able to apply for their own financial aid and be responsible for 100% of their college costs. Though the author herself comes back in several comments to readers admitting her title may have been a little too harsh, her overall sentiment did not change and many of the comments seemed to agree that it is the parent’s responsibility to pay for college. According to her blog that outlines the red tape you have to clear to be declared an independent student, our government and the financial aid systems seem to back the author's viewpoint.

Being the mother of four potentially college bound children, I find this view a bit disturbing. First of all, for the average household, this is not financially feasible. I understand that there are all sorts of nifty ways to put away money for college to minimize taxes and stabilize tuition. Nearly every state has a 529 plan of some kind and large insurance and investment companies have multiple options for college savings as well. Unfortunately, for those of us living in the real world paying $4/gallon for gas and barely making our house payments, saving for even the most minimal of things is nearly impossible and putting away four years of tuition for our fast growing children is little more than a dream especially when you consider the average cost of college for one year is over $21,000.*

Secondly, in a society that values raising children that understand it takes hard work to get anywhere in this world, why, after 18 years of preaching these lessons, would we hand them four years of college on a silver platter?  While living on a university campus with my ex-husband (he financed almost his entire education himself and is actually still paying on those loans) I saw many students doing the bare minimum to get by, partying their nights away and majoring in fields that couldn’t possibly turn into a real career. “Who cares?” they’d say, “It’s not my money…”  I don’t care how intelligent and deserving your child may be, most kids if not paying for at least some of their college expenses themselves will take it for granted and the end result could be disastrous.  My own son seemed shocked when I told him recently that he was going to have to work while he went to college and pay for as much tuition and living expenses as he could with cash out of his own pocket. His open mouth horror aside, I firmly believe it is good for a young adult to invest heavily in their own education to give them a better appreciation for the gift it really is.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not against helping with college. I have always done everything I could financially for my kids and don't intend to stop now, but where is it written the grand rule book of life that I am obligated to save up/take loans/liquidate my retirement to give my children a fully paid for education? College is a privilege and one that should be earned. It is not an investment as many will tell you. An investment is money that grows and comes back to you; the checks you write for Junior’s tuition represents real money that you will never see again. Though I may not be the dead beat parent the blog was referring too, given the rate of return, I see nothing wrong with making a child responsible for most if not all of their college expenses.

*SOURCE: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics. (2011). Digest of Education Statistics, 2010 (NCES 2011-015), Chapter 3 .